Oh, What A Tangled Web
by Star Vortex
Summary: Sorry. Suck at short summaries. Full summary inside. Language may get a little intense. Set after X3. Merc W/a mouthXWolverine. Please R&R. Pretty Please? Sixth chapter is up! Possible DeadpoolXEmmaFrost in the future.
1. Someone's Dying, Auntie!

Sorry guys, I _know_ that it's short. The next one'll be longer, I promise.

_A huge disaster has struck his life. Everything he found meaningful was destroyed. He was nearly killed himself. His powers seemed to disappear when he most needed them. Now, he finds himself at the X-Mansion, with people who can accept him, even with his mask always on, and a chance to start over. He knows Logan, but Logan doesn't know him. He has information that the Wolverine needs. _

_

* * *

_

Ororo Monroe absently misted the plants around the bench as she finished the last chapter of _The Complete Zinnia_. Under the weather goddess's beloved care, all of the plants around the mansion had thrived. She had originally been running a private tropical paradise in her room, and still did, but had expanded her range to the whole mansion.

A scraping noise was all that alerted Storm to her nephew's speedy approach. He spun a tight circle around Ororo on his skateboard, then with a "Hi, Auntie! Bye, Auntie!" he was gone. Ororo shook her head. That boy was going to get himself hurt one of these days.

Ororo sighed and put down her finished book. She looked around mindlessly, then tipped her head back and stared at the passing clouds. She found cloud shapes dreamily, not bothering to summon the winds to shape them. Ororo's eyes had closed, and she was just on the brink of a doze, when,

"Storm! Storm!"

Storm's head jerked forward, and her eyes snapped open. A sweaty and dirty Rogue was running towards Ororo, with a slightly more organized-looking kitty in hot pursuit. Rogue reached Storm and bent over, her hands on her knees, puffing.

"Marie! Are you all right? What is it?" Storm asked, panicked.

"There's this guy…" Kitty said, as out-of-breath as Rogue. "Just barely alive… so much blood… needs a doctor… couldn't bring him back… came to you…"

Storm froze for a matter of heartbeats before the logic part of her brain kicked in, taking over and ignoring the other half.

"Where is he?"

"About… mile from here."

"How badly is he hurt?"

"We couldn't bring him back here."

"Kitty, go find Kurt, and bring him. Marie, show me to the man."

"Got it. Come on."

"On my way."

* * *

So, waddaya guys think? Pleasepleaseplease R&R! The lovely green button does not bite!


	2. What stops the Juggernaught?

_Wade. You idiot._

_**Shut up.**_

_How could you have let your guard down like that?_

_**I told you to shut up.**_

_You felt it weeks before it happened! And you __ignored__ it!_

_**I told you to f***ing shut up!**_

_But how could the good widdle ol' Weasel betway you, Wade? And why in the world would he do it just at that moment? He was your best friend! And just when Banshee and Siryn dropped by, and __without your factors__—_

"Nnn._"_

"—Mien gott!"

"—still alive!"

_Now who the hell is that?_

_**You're the genius here. Figure it out yourself.**_

_You mad at me? What you gonna do?_

_**Absolutely nothing.**_

_There isn't a single thing you can do. Oh, the irony._

"—to the mansion. He—" _buzz buzz_ "—medical attention!"

_What's all this about Mansions and medical things? We don't need medical attention._

_**Shut up, or I'll go stand under a Nuke site again.**_

_So the little Weasel was wrong. Not even a bomb will take you out._

_**Please?**_

_Fine. But don't say I never did anything for you._

_**Now when have I ever said that?

* * *

**_

Storm stared in horror at the mangled and bleeding figure before her. He was wearing a costume, black patched, and red, whether from blood or dye. And, miraculously, his mask was still on.

"Nightcrawler, can you get us back to the Mansion?" Storm asked, relying purely on the left side of her brain now.

"Him and somvon else. Zer's a limit to how many people I can take."

Without any words, everyone knew that Storm was going. Nightcrawler grabbed Storm's arm, and poked one finger out to barely brush the man's hand. Ororo didn't blame him. She had gagged when she saw all the blood. With the usual _BAMF_ sound, the three were gone.

* * *

"Hank McCoy speaking."

"_Hank!"_

"Ororo! How are you?"

"_Fine,buthere'smanhere…"_

"Ororo, slow down, take a deep breath. What's the matter?"

"There's this man here, and he's really hurt! I mean, like bleeding all over the place. I… I _think_ he's a mutant. He's got a costume and mask on—"

"I'll be right over. Take his mask off. I'll work through his suit when I get there this afternoon."

* * *

Ororo put down the phone and turned. She was in the infirmary, with the man on one of the steel tables and a huge assortment of weapons—including two _really_ big swords—on another. Ororo's mind automatically came up with questions. If this man could use all of these, then what could have beaten him up like this? And if something had gotten him that good, then how could he still be alive? And how had he gotten a mile from the Mansion? There had been no blood trail, or any other sign of him dragging himself or walking there. There weren't even footprints. Ororo walked towards him.

"Okay…" she said to herself, trying to get steady. "He told me to take off your mask…"

Storm reached forward towards the man's face. Quicker than she could register, a red hand flew up and caught her wrist.

"Let's not… and say we did."

Ororo froze like a rabbit caught in a headlight. Her eyes grew as round as a deer's. The red and black head slowly turned to look at her, and the gloved hand let go. Storm drew her arm away slowly. About no time at all passed, and then an eternity passed, before Storm's heart started beating again, and her body started to re-function.

"Y-y-you're a-awake." Storm said, her eyes still wide.

"Got a real keen eye for the obvious, Snow White." The man said.

His posture seemed to unfocus, and, though she could not see his eyes, Storm felt his gaze go through her.

"What do you mean, Cain?" the man said blearily.

_He must be hallucinating. On the edge of unconsiosness._

Storm backed away til she was out of the room, on the way hearing,

"_Plenty_ stops the Juggernaught! The _X-Men_ stops the Juggernaught…"

_Good god, he knows about us! And Cain Marko!_

"Well, waddayaknow? _Logic _stops the Juggernaught!"

_How on earth does he know about us? Or Cain? Who __is_ _he?_

"_I _stop the Juggernaught!"

That was all she could take. Ororo turned and ran out of the room, slamming the door behind her. Nightcrawler, Kitty, and Marie were outside.

"Are you okay?" Kitty asked. "You look terrified!"

"No kiddin'!" Marie added. "What happened?"

"N-nothing." Storm said, walking down the hall, trying to get as far away from the weird man as possible.

Ororo went to her room and curled up on her bed, tucking her chin into her knees. This man, or whatever he was, scared her. And not like the scare of danger, but like something really really weird and foreign. Could he really have met the Juggernaught? And _defeated_ him? Ororo put her head in her hands. She hoped that Beast would get here soon.


	3. A Faster Way to Open Your Eyes

Okay, this one's a little longer. I'm shifting into the Deadpool writing style, so hold on!

* * *

"Ororo! What's wrong?"

Hank had just reached the mansion, and was in Storm's office, with her looking at him with a face as white as her hair.

"You'll see." Said Storm meekly. "Come on. I'll come with you to the infirmary. He's there."

"Is this something about that man?"

"No. Maybe. Kinda. Yeah."

"What's—"

"You'll see when we get there."

Storm walked down the hall without another word. Beast, confused but willing to humor her, followed.

* * *

"I can't open my eyes."

_Wow. You're a genius._

**  
And ****where** **are we, exactly?**

"I think we're at some sort of mansion."

**  
Where're all our weapons?**

_  
Beats me._

"Come on, open faster! Open faster!"

_  
The only way your eyes are going to open faster is if—_

"Good idea."

Deadpool slipped his hands under his mask. Pinching his eyelids between his thumbs and forefingers, he pulled. With a sucking sound, his eyes popped open. Deadpool could still only see red, thought.

_  
It'll still probably take a few minutes for us to be able to see again._

**  
Let's focus on the more immediate problem.**

"And what would that be?"

**  
Those voices.**

"Oh."

Sure enough, there were some voices. There was a woman and a man. The woman was really scared, and the man sounded confused and worried.

"I don't know what happened." Said the female voice, sounding like it was about to cry. "I—I just reached for his mask, and he caught my arm, and he told me not to… oh, Hank, it was terrifying!"

"Ororo! Get ahold of yourself! You've never broken down like this before! What is it about this particular case—"

"You weren't there! Anyway, we're almost to the infirmary. He's there. He's critically injured."

Deadpool's vision returned.

_  
Wow._

**  
This is… silvery. **

And so it was. The whole room seemed to be made of steel. Very shiny steel. The floor was impeccable. Deadpool was very glad that he had brought shoes. This was the ultimate challenge to the naughty child in socks, but like the black diamond runs are to a first-time skier. Even the bed on which Deadpool was laying was made of steel.

_  
This is uncomfortable._

**  
Hey. What happened to that chair you made?**

"It exploded."

**  
Big surprise.**

Deadpool's head whipped around as he heard someone approached a door.

_  
Holy crap!_

**  
They're about to see us!**

_**  
Hide!**_ They screamed in chorus.

And hide Deadpool did. While his hiding spot was not the Bahamas and was rather uncomfortable, it sufficed. Deadpool sincerely hoped that they weren't stupid.

* * *

"Here he…" Ororo said, opening the door. "… is?"

Well, no. Here he wasn't. Yes, his weapons were still there, covered in crusting blood, and there was the table where he had been, also covered in gooey liquid, but the man himself was nowhere to be seen. Ororo blinked. So did Hank. Hank scratched his head. Storm was too paralyzed to attempt such a menuever.

**  
Wow.**

_  
What?_

**  
She's hot.**

"He was here." Hank said to the air. "The blood and the weapons confirm it. But where did he go? There is no blood trail."

"Logan will be back this afternoon. He might be able to help us."

_  
Logan?_

**  
Logan?!**

_  
Did she say LOGAN?!_

"In the meantime," continued Hank, "we must alert the students that a stranger is here. They must watch out for anyone foreign, or for someone wearing a red and black uniform."


	4. I've Got A Jar Of Dirt

Hi guys! Sorry I haven't updated in a long time. My parents decided to go on an extreme four-week vacation spree in some places with no internet. But I'm back now!

_

* * *

You can get down now._

**They're gone.**

"What? Oh, yeah."

Deadpool released his hands. He instantly regarded that as a bad move.

_Crap._

THUD. Deadpool stood up, and blinked a number of times.

_Okay, next time you're on the ceiling—_

**Remember that you're ten feet above the floor!**

"Yeah, whatever."

_No! Not 'yeah, whatever'—_

"Geez! I said yes!"

**Hey guys?**

"What?"

**Is there supposed to be wacky music coming this way?**

* * *

Use a mutant, she had told Ororo. Use a dustbuster, she had told Ororo. But no, Storm just had to sweep off the porch by hand. Oh well.

Jubilee had her eyes closed, and was dancing down to hallway to the wacky and addictive beat of _I've got a Jar of Dirt_ by Jonathan Kaplan. Jubilee didn't need to open her eyes; she knew the Mansion by heart. She had been here for three years, after all.

But something had been bothering her for the past few hours. That announcement that Storm had made, about the stranger on the grounds kept gnawing at her belly. She had been very vague, but everyone had been able to sense Storm's mood. She had been radiating fear, and it had frightened Jubilee, along with all the other students. They had been told to watch out for a man in a black and red uniform, and that was when Storm's fear level had raised even higher.

Jonny Depp's repeating voice blared into her eardrums and made little green music symbols dance behind her eyelids. A few more steps, and take a left. Jubilee stuck out her left had, and sure enough, felt a door. The door opened, and Jubilee danced her way inside. She heard the door slide closed behind her.

_Wait. This floor doesn't feel right._

Jubilee opened her eyes. Oops. She had ended up in the infirmary. Jubilee started to turn, but her eyes caught on something. Two tables were splattered with red, and a stench suddenly reached Jubilee's nose. She gagged, and brought her yellow arm to her nose. What the hell had happened in here?

"This must have something to do with the red and black man that Kitty and Rogue found." Jubilee said aloud.

"Ding. Got it in one."

Jubilee froze. There was the click of a gun behind her head, and she nearly had a heartattack.

"Okay, Slicker, just answer my questions and no one gets hurt. Where am I?"

"W-W-W-Wanches-s-s-s-ster N-N-New Y-Y-York."

"Where?"

"Th-th-th-the X-X-X-X-Mans-s-sion."

"WHAT?!"

Jubilee screamed. Halfway, a red hand clapped over her mouth.

"Come with me. You could prove useful."

* * *

"Hank, are you going to any meetings soon?"

"No. Why?"

"I just need your help on something."

"Sure."

Ororo led the way to her office. She gestured to the seat in front of the desk, and Beast sat down, while Storm sat down in the really big black chair behind the red oak. She slid some papers towards Hank, who looked at them.

"What are these?"

"Profiles. Now that the Professor's… not around, this place needs a telepath. Those four are the best I could find, but there's not a lot to choose from these days."

"I see. I'll look at them."

As Hank read the profiles, Ororo passed the time in various ways. She watered the plants on the windowsill. When they were done, she filed some papers. She got bored, and was about to think of something else, when—

"This one looks most promising."

Hank showed her his choice. Ororo nodded.

"Good. I'll inform Miss Frost that she's been chosen."

"Chosen?"

"I informed all four of them. I wanted them to get here as soon as possible."

"I see."

Hank stood as Ororo turned to the phone. He walked absently around the room, looking at the names of books that he had already read on the bookshelves, paintings he had already memorized on the walls. Everything about this room, ha had memorized. He heard Storm put down the phone, and turned.

"She's coming she should be here in a couple of hours. She very happy to—"

Ororo and Hank both spun around as a scream ripped through the house. While the scream was bad enough, Ororo's heart nearly stopped when the scream was abruptly cut off.

"Jubilee!"

Storm and Beast pelted down the hall back to the infirmary, with students sticking their heads out of doors. They skidded inside. All of the weapons were gone. Beast bent down and picked something up.

"Good lord. Her Walkman."

"Hank, can you see if you can smell where they went?"

Hank nodded. He closed his eyes, and opened his mouth to test the air. He walked forward a few steps, and started walking in seemingly random patterns around the room. He stopped back at where he started.

"They went through the vent systems."

"Then that means they could be anywhere!"


	5. I Know How To Run With Kives

**Note: I'm going to be introducing an OC, warning you all!**

**

* * *

**

Logan turned sharply out of the Bar's parking lot. This was one of the days when he was rather proud of his healing factor. He had downed ten bottles in a row, and the barkeeper was reverent. Of course, Logan's healing factor meant that it was impossible for him to get drunk.

Logan passed a cab. He turned to look into the passenger seat, and—wow, she was hot! She had long silky blonde hair, frosted blue lipstick, and glacier-blue eyes. Her clothes were icy blue, and complimented her perfectly.

The woman turned, and saw Logan. She froze, her mouth dropped open. Huh? Logan swerved into another lane. He passed the cab with an acceleration boost.

* * * * * * *

Ah. Home at last.

The Mansion's grounds spread out before him. The familiar sight of kids playing on the basketball court, of kids taking biology class with Warren, blah blah blah blah blah. He wheeled his motorcycle to its special place beside the building, and then walked to the front door and entered.

He was immediately blasted by the rank smell of fear. The lobby was crammed with kids, some crying, some shivering in the shadows, and some trying to comfort others. Everyone had white faces, and they were all reeking. None of them seemed to notice him.

"Logan!"

He turned. Storm and Hank were walking through. Everyone turned to look at him. Logan saw blind hope begin to dawn on their faces. He turned to the other two adults.

"Storm! Wha' tha hell happened here?"

"Five hours ago, Kitty and Rogue found a nearly-dead man on the grounds. We do not know how he got here. I can't scent any blood trail." Beast said.

"He had a huge amount of weapons on him, and we took them off him when we brought him to the infirmary. We still don't know whether he's a mutant or not. I got Hank, and we went back to the infirmary, and the man was gone. Fifteen minutes ago, we heard Jubilee scream from there, and we ran there as fast as we could. Jubilee was gone, as were all of the man's weapons. Beast scented that the man, alive, well, and walking, had hidden in the ceiling. He dropped down, and Jubilee came in. then, both of their scents disappear upwards, so we know that they must be in the vent system somewhere. Beast said that you were the best mutant for the job, with your metal skeleton, healing factor, and animal senses. We need you to track them."

* * *

**MEANWHILE… **

"Stop! You're hurting me!"

"You're gonna be hurting a lot more if you don't speed up, Slicker."

They had been going for hours. Tromping around the vent system was surprisingly tiring, and this man was _fast_.

"We can rest here."

Jubilee looked around. They were in some sort of hidden attic. It was empty, but Jubilee wasn't surprised. After all, the attic was hidden. She turned to the red man.

"I don't know who you are, but when they find me, you are going to be in huge trouble."

The man raised an eyebrow, and Jubilee was surprised that she could see it past the mask. He shrugged, sitting down. He reached into one of his ridiculously numerous belt pockets, and withdrew what looked like a cross between a utility knife and a can opener with one hand, while the other drew a sword from his back. Jubilee blanched. The man looked up.

"Don't worry, I know how to run with knives."

Jubilee gulped.

"Hello? Slicker? Anybody there? Come on, this can't be the first time you've seen a razor!"

Jubilee was still in her frozen state. The man shrugged again, and then began running the tool in his left hand down the katana. Jubilee relaxed.

"You're sharpening it." Jubilee said.

"Oh my, I'm in the presence of a genius." The man commented dryly.

Jubilee narrowed her eyes, but decided to not harass the man with the sharp object. She decided to redirect the subject.

"So… do you have a name? I can't just keep calling you 'you'." Jubilee asked.

"Yes you can." The man replied, still focused on his sword.

Jubilee's face fell. The man didn't even glance at her. But he wasn't finished.

He put down the sword and looked Jubilee full in the face.

"Deadpool."

* * *

**AND EVEN MORE MEANWHILE …**

Zef trotted at a brisk pace. Even though she was merely jogging, the forest flashed by at a surprising rate. She wasn't carrying anything, and she had been told that she wouldn't need anything but her wits once she got to her destination. And compared to the weight that Zef was used to carrying, this felt like she could fly if she wanted. The forest was pleasant, there was a nice breeze that complimented the warm sunlight, and the whole place smelled of greenery. After a while, Zef felt the presence of metal up ahead. She must be getting close. After another while, she exited the trees. She hoped this was the right path. A cab approached from further down the road, which seemed to be in the middle of nowhere. Well, if she was in the wrong place, Zef would just have to find out. In the meantime, that cab would be her ride. Of course, Zef wasn't planning on sticking her finger out in her natural hitchhiker position. She had been doing that far to often for her taste. As the cab approached, Zef readied herself. As it zoomed past, Zef hooked its magnetic field to that of her own. Her breath was shoved out of her as she was jerked off of her feet and as she stabilized into a steady tail of the cab. The invisible magnetic rope was strong, and it would take a lot to break it against Zef's will. Wrapping her trench coat around her, Zef settled into the wind rushing around her, fixed her brain onto holding the link, and slept.


	6. A Part of Mystery, Suspense, and Tacos

Well, if there was at least one point in Deadpool's favor, he carried almost everything ever created by man. He had left the hidden attic after sharpening both his katanas twice and twiddling his thumbs for about half an hour, after asking Jubilee what section of the mansion the kitchen was in. He was probably going to get lost, but who knew? Maybe he would make it to the kitchen. Maybe he would find his way back. Maybe he would bring her lunch.

Either way, he had made sure that Jubilee was staying where she was by supergluing banana peels to the bottoms of her galoshes. Where had he gotten a banana peel? And why on earth would he be carrying around superglue?

The most movement Jubilee could manage was scooting around on her rear end, but that was most definitely not going to get her through the vent systems. Jubilee sighed, wriggled to one of the walls, curled up, and fell asleep.

* * *

Bobby watched as Logan entered the vent, being one soul in the crowd of mutants. Warren's wings were half-open, and the left one seemed to be curled around Bobby. Warren, of course, didn't notice, he was watching Logan like everyone else. Being half-surrounded by a wing was making Bobby feel kinda hot. He turned to his friend.

"Hey, Warren, you wanna get something to eat? All this excitement's making me peckish."

Warren looked back at Bobby.

"That sounds like a really good idea. Let's go."

Warren threw his arm around Bobby's shoulders playfully. Warren was the youngest teacher in the history of Xavier's School. He was only, what… 14? 15? Even though Warren seemed to sort of phase out at times, he was extremely precocious. Not in the intelligence way, like a super genius, but more in the wisdom or maturity way. Bobby had once asked about what Warren was thinking about when he stared into space, but Warren had just shrugged and not said anything.

They reached the kitchen. Bobby headed for the bowl cabinet, while Warren searched for a fruit knife. Bobby jumped as Warren spoke unexpectedly.

"What smells like tacos?" Warren asked.

"Tacos?"

"Tacos!" Another voice said.

Bobby and Warren whipped around instantly and simultaneously. There he was. His red costume covered his entire body, black circles around his eyeholes, black stripes ran down his chest, and he carried two katanas and a shitload of guns. And, for some reason, a banana peel. And a white apron and chef's hat. He was standing in front of the stove, and there was a mess of taco fixings all over the counter and floor. The man was holding a relatively big platter of tacos. The man took a deep inhale of the greasy aroma, and spoke.

" 'you are old, said the youth,

and your jaws are too weak

for anything tougher than suet

and yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak,

pray, how did you manage to do it?' "

Two seconds later, the farthest hallway was reached by two combined yells.

"LOGAAAAAN!"

* * *

Logan was breathing hard by the time he found Jubilee. She looked at him, grinned, and tried to jump across the attic into his arms. It didn't work. At first, he couldn't figure out what had happened. Then, as he saw her laying on the floor looking a little put out, he notice the banana peels on the bottoms of her shoes. At first, his brain didn't quite comprehend it, and when it managed to wrap itself around the absurdity of the idea, he still didn't quite manage to fully understand more than the cold hard facts. So he pointed.

"Um, Jubilee? Why're there b'nana peels on th' bottoms of y'r shoes?"

Jubilee looked at him, and he saw that she was just as confused about it as he was.

"The guy's crazy, Logan. Insane."

Just as she finished her sentence, Logan's name was screamed through the mansion again. Logan started towards the air vents, when the smell of taco meat suddenly appeared above him. He unsheathed his claws.

"_BONSAI!"_

He looked up. A red flash landed directly on him. As he fell, his unsheathed claws cut through the flimsy floor, and they landed into another vent tunnel. This time, one of the red blob's knives cut through the floor, and the one after that. Logan's claws finally tore out the last one, and they fell right smack in the middle of a game of pool. The balls were painful under Logan's back, but the man's weight on top of his disappeared as he somersaulted off. The man stood on the very edge of the table, balancing expertly on the balls of his feet, and frankly, he looked surprised.

"Well, well, well! If it isn't Sir Snarls-A-Lot, back from the Bubs of the X-shaped table!"

Logan snarled, his mind absorbing but not acknowledging what the man had said. Logan's only focus was the enemy, as if they were the only two in the world. Logan growled loudly and swiped at the man, claws singing through the air. The man somersaulted easily over it.

"Jimmy, buddy! We've missed you! Weapon X just hasn't been the same without you! _Nobody_ calls be bub anymore!"

Logan's mind still didn't process what the man said, instead directing him to take another frenzied swipe. This time, he managed to score the man's side. The man jumped backwards.

"Ma! He touched me!" The man shouted.

The man leapt forward again, and Ororo sprinted into the room. A window flew open, and a lightning bolt struck the man.


End file.
